Difficult Choices

One of the toughest things in life, time and time again is making difficult or important decisions.

The decisions we make plot the course that we take in life, and like a butterfly effect, seemingly small decisions can have wide ranging effects! Obviously thinking about decisions like this and dwelling on the potential effects of small choices on your future can be a potential pitfall and can actually make it more difficult to make those small decisions for fear of what it may impact.

In this way, we can get completely tangled and tied up in every detail of our lives and when one gets to the point where simple decisions become hard to make, the more difficult ones become seemingly impossible.

The fear of making decisions is called Decidophobia, and although I’m obviously not a psychiatrist, it’s usually quite obvious when this sort of phobia manifests itself, especially in your friends and those who you interact with on a regular basis, like co-workers for example.

Faced with decisions in life so far, I’ve been lucky; I’ve had no shortage of wise sages around me to help and guide me but getting older and having the stabilisers removed, I have had to rely more and more fully on God. This is something that for me—and as huge blessing—has not been a burden on me. As I’ve grown and become more empathetic, (with no lack of long-term prayer) the indecision I see in others that may once have frustrated me now makes me sad; I wish I could help.

Sometimes its possible to help, advice or counsel can go a long way from a friend, especially someone you know well. In other cases, it’s really not our place to get involved.

I think back to some of the big decisions in my life where people have tried to put their 2 pence in and for me it actually just drove a wedge in, it wasn’t that helpful – for me at least!

So, I wanted to write a post about what I think the key to good decision-making is, personally and biblically speaking. I believe, that following 4 steps (+ 1 bonus) with truth and integrity will help you to hardly make a bad decision ever again. We will touch a little later on good v bad decisions.

The key for me is that we cannot make big decisions ourselves. All of the steps should be followed with that in mind. Ultimately, we must take the steps, but the guidance along the way comes from elsewhere.

God has to be at the centre.

The whole Christianity gig is about coming to terms with the fact that we are not the masters of our own destiny. God has already laid the plans for the earth and they are unfolding second by second.

God has a plan for each one of us.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

In this piece of the Bible from the Old Testament prophet Jeremiah, God is speaking to His chosen people, the people of Israel, and it telling them not to worry about their current (pretty rubbish) situation, exiles from their homes and being oppressed, because He already had plans for their rescue and return.

With this in mind, and this should help us not to worry, because all we need then in all of our decisions is obedience.

1. Think Biblically

My son, keep my words And treasure my commandments within you [so they are readily available to guide you]. Keep my commandments and live, And keep my teaching and law as the apple of your eye. Bind them [securely] on your fingers; Write them on the tablet of your heart.

Proverbs 7:1-3 (AMP)

Thinking Biblically is all about knowing what God wants for your life and living that way. God gives us quite a few practical ways to think biblically too; like don’t worry, don’t be anxious, rejoice always, sing, discern, live life to the full.

Thinking biblically comes from knowledge that has been given to us through showcase of God’s character, understanding what it means and then using that in practical application. Writing words on the "tablet of your heart" is a metaphor for knowing God's words and living in them. The Bible refers to the Heart as the centre of our souls and where our decisions are born from.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2 (ESV)

This Bible passage written by St Paul writing to the Roman church urges us not to copy and become what the world says or thinks, but to rather renew our minds and focus on God, turning away from the earthly draws and temptations in favour of the good things that God has for us to experience.

So if we know how to live and that is in our thoughts naturally, making decisions is made easier. If instinctively when we get into a situation we know how the Bible wants us to make the decision – bingo, go with that option.

2. Read the Bible

The second point is integral to the first. Although we can hear from God in other many ways such as dreams, words of knowledge or encouragement from others, or signs, they are never to be trusted without assurance from the Bible.

As Christians we believe the Bible is the living breath and Word of God. The writers of the Bible were what we call ‘Divinely Inspired’. Either they were told directly and had audible or clear words given to them, or else they spoke and wrote with authority granted to them by God the Father and his Holy Spirit.

The Bible then is our plumb line, the Home Base, Square A1, and the basis of all of our knowledge of God. He is revealed fully to us in the whole combination of words, themes and books – more than enough to keep us occupied in learning for a lifetime or few! Anything in contradiction to what the Bible teaches is the opposite of wisdom, and this is very simply the real meaning of sin. The original word for sin in Hebrew, Khata, means more literally to miss the goal.

When our minds, knowledge and understanding don’t quite cut it from Step 1, then the next move is to consult the Bible and learn what the best course of action may be.

You can see that this may have a drawback as no one has the time to whip out their Bible, either in book or App form every time that they are faced with a decision they are struggling with in a heat of the moment situation. This emphasises the importance of Step 1, and by going through this process many, many times, Step 1 will become easier and easier.

3. Pray Biblically

Praying biblically follows closely from reading the Bible. How else can we know how to do anything biblically?!

At this stage, without getting too much into various ways of praying, we mentioned before that this approach to decision-making is looking at a time-span of several days, weeks or even months, not just split-second decisions we make each minute, we're looking at the big ones. So that’s the context.

If we’re considering a decision that takes us a day or more to make, we need to be serious about how we pray about these decisions. I think there are some key elements to praying about these decisions in a biblical way and these are:

· Submission

· Contrition

· Expectation

Submission comes back to the fact that we are not in control, God is in control and He will tell you what he wants from you. Whether this is guidance to places in the Bible, or a renewed understanding of a part of it that you have read before but never applied in that way, or whether there are any other factors, we need to submit everything to God, and do nothing in our own strength for fear of having something to boast about.

Contrition is an old word (sorry) and being contrite is about acknowledging that we have gone wrong and about wanting to make amends or turn to do the right thing.

How many times have we made a decision just because it will benefit us? Or because there is a chance of a quick buck? Or because it’s the easiest thing to do? We are not to be self-seeking, or selfish or full of pride. Rather the opposite, humble and meek. Selfishness and pride can so easily creep into our thinking and we just as easily justify it to ourselves but it is a ribbon of decay through something we are trying to make wholesome. If at the core selfish ambition or pride or greed is the motivator, we cannot make good decisions. Contrition helps us keep on the right track.

Expectation – we should expect God to give us an answer. We should expect to learn what the best course of action is and we should expect to make decisions based on the assurance that they are blessed by God and are in alignment with His plans.

These first 3 steps are about taking our eyes off of ourselves and putting them on God. And on this basis we should be living and making all of our choices.

Others will know better.

4. Seek Counsel from people who know their Bible and pray biblically!

There is always someone older and wiser than you are. There is a good chance they know their Bible better than you, there is a good chance they pray more biblically about things and there is a good chance they may have been in similar situations and can give you help not to make mistakes!

This 4th step is again about humility. We are sometimes not great at asking for help as humans, we want to be able to do everything ourselves. This is a great freedom of Christianity – we don’t have to do things ourselves! We have God, and we have our community around us that are called to help us when we need it.

5. Bonus Step

If in doubt – repeat Steps 1 – 4.

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You have to do something.

A common malady that I see fairly often is people wallowing in their indecision. Whether you’re reading these steps because you want to make right and Godly decisions, or if you’ve got this far and you don’t care about the Godly aspects but you still want to make right decisions – you have action to take.

A sure-fire way to create worry, stress, anxiety and then even worse in some cases is to dwell on a decision for far too long doing nothing, expecting the decision to be made for you. Unfortunately, this is a fallacy.

Decision making (in my humble experience) is about action, not in-action. Don’t confuse this with a decision to do nothing, because sometimes that is the right thing to do; in this case you have actively made the decision to do nothing. This is about trying to make a decision but doing nothing about it.

God will not make the decisions for us. There is no ‘spirit guide’ where we float through life all of our choices all pre-made so that all we have to do is blindly step through the motions, but there is work, and we must learn to work to make good decisions. People can be stricken, paralysed and frozen by indecision. Their downfall – they stopped moving and stopped acting.

Equally, decisions based on circumstantial signs can be dangerous, and even if you are trying to be super-spiritual about it, these signs can actually be grossly misleading and even pagan in their origin. Think about tea-leaves and tarot cards – now apply them to anything that does not align with the Bible’s teaching and treat them the same - with rejection!

I listened to a teaching by Voddie Baucham last year that I’ve actually taken the 4 steps in this blog from, articulated perfectly by a man I respect and think speaks truth. It's a heavy listen so tread carefully... He tells a story of a couple who get married and a year later things get really tough, and this is the real kicker, how do this couple know if they made the right choice? Sometimes tough times will come, but the difference between how you react in the tough times comes from the way you got to those situations. If you follow these 4 steps, you will know that this situation is the one God wants you in right now, however hard it is. If you don’t, then how will you know?

You won’t.

In fact, you may even end up feeling resentful towards God about your bad situation. Good decisions don’t always put you in good situations, just the same as bad decisions will not necessarily put you in a bad situation! But ultimately bad decisions will end you up in a real bad situation.

So I’ve answered my question, but let me state it: Can you make bad decisions if ultimately God is in control?

The answer is yes, if you haven’t involved Him and you’ve made the decision yourself. The bigger the decision, the more He needs to be involved. Or even worse - you’ve involved Him in a decision but you’ve decided to go against what you know to be right! And this is tempting sometimes, see the paragraph about money, ease, power, etc...

Finally, here are some practical ways that I really think help when coming to make a choice on something:

· Push on some doors, one might open! If they don’t, you know it’s not the path for you!

· Have a clear mind, meditate on the decision and what the Bible says about it but find somewhere quiet, silent even, and by yourself.

· Take some time, don’t dive headfirst without consideration – but don’t take too long 😉

· Try and think of yourself as a small child walking blindfolded, hand in hand and step by step with a parent. If you move too fast you’re defying the parent, if you don’t move quickly enough you’re also in defiance. The parent can move you slightly to the left and right and so will show you the way, but you cannot know where the path leads, so there’s no point in trying!

· Be honest with yourself and try to see where you might have your own feelings and emotions creeping in to decisions. Maybe even run it past another friend who you haven’t spoken to about the choice yet.

Very finally some encouragement. If you ask the way, God will show you. Expect and answer because it will be given. So listen, take time and walk in obedience.

Thus says the Lord: “Stand by the roads, and look,

and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it,

and find rest for your souls.

Old Testament Prophet Jeremiah, 6:16.

An extract from Voddie Baucham’s teaching on decisions that is 7 minutes and well worth a watch!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1Yd-c9-8Oc

The full sermon can be viewed here, 1hr11m

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R20mCvTT8Wc